The seemingly insignificant "weak relationship" has been proved to improve positive emotions and reduce people’s risk of depression.
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A "blind box" stranger gathering
This is a gathering between strangers, 4 girls and 3 boys.
Abollo Wang was the organizer of this activity after 1990s. Before coming to his home, only two of the seven people knew each other. What kind of party is this? What will they talk about? What brought them together?
Qu Yuan, a post-95 girl, is one of the strangers’ parties. During this "May Day" holiday, she was not attracted by the Zibo barbecue which was popular all over the country, nor did she take pictures in crowded scenic spots, nor did she choose fashionable outdoor activities for young people. She surfed the internet social platform and finally locked in a book club not far from home.
In Beijing, book club activities are very common. Some are held in business districts in downtown street scenes, while others are looking for secluded cafes or bookstores. With drinks, tea and refreshments, young men and women get together to discuss trendy concepts, hot gossip or cutting-edge concepts. The most important thing is that it is a convenient way to spend a long time, whether you meet like-minded people or not.
Before leaving, Qu Yuan was a little curious about the reading party held in a private home. She described the party as "a bit like opening a blind box".
During this period, "partner" socialization has become a hot word on the Internet, frequently appearing in large and small entries and media reports. Food partners, travel partners, sports partners and movie partners, class partners in school and fishing partners in work. From the definition of network, "partner" refers to a social relationship formed by a common interest or common demand.
The "psychological" social distance with anonymity and fuzziness is the main reason to attract Qu Yuan to sign up. This social way not only satisfies her curiosity about "people", but also enables her to find a relatively comfortable way of communication. It’s like "you can quickly understand this person’s life, and if you don’t take the initiative to contact, you won’t bother each other again."
Different from the close relationship between family members and close friends, psychologists and sociologists call this relationship "weak relationship" or "marginal relationship". Earlier, The New York Times published an article entitled "Although they are only acquaintances, they are very important to you", saying that these seemingly insignificant "weak relationships" have been proved to enhance positive emotions and reduce people’s risk of depression. "Weak relationships are important for our emotional and physical health." Gillian Sandstrom, a psychologist at the University of Sussex in the UK, said.
In Gillian Sandstrom’s early research, she made clear the importance of "weak relationship" and young people’s mental health. By distributing handheld clickers to undergraduate students and young people over the age of 25, she recorded the number of interactions between the subjects and classmates or strangers in a few days. Research shows that people who have more "weak relationship" interactions have a higher degree of happiness and belonging than those who have less interaction.
Back to the book club, the party was held in Abollo Wang’s home. Warm-colored couches and several camping chairs are arranged in a semicircle, and there is a long table in the north against the wall. Washed strawberries, pineapples cut into oblique triangles, fast food and candy are placed on the table. On the other side of the living room is a tall bookcase with all kinds of tools and books on it.
Abollo Wang is short and has a strong Cantonese accent. As soon as Qu Yuan entered the door, he saw that he was in full swing, warmly entertaining everyone to change shoes, find a place to sit down and eat fruit. Qu Yuan and his friends are sitting in the camping chair near the door, and the living room is accompanied by cheerful music, but it is hard to hide the tension. "I can feel that the host is trying hard to find a topic and enliven the atmosphere, but everyone doesn’t know it, and it is inevitable to be cautious." But soon, in the ice-breaking link, this group of young people began to get acquainted.
A few days later, when Qu Yuan recalled the book club, his memory was not as clear as it was that day. The male students studying in the police academy are a little stiff, the sweet girl who is a theater actress has a gorgeous life experience, and the two urban men and women who work in the education industry are peers. Qu Yuan admits that now she can barely remember the vague faces of these people. "This social way is unlikely to make friends who keep in touch, and I don’t expect it."
In fact, the social relationship based on the situation to find "relationship" can be traced back to Berlin, Germany at the end of the 19th century, when there were many small salons in the city. This kind of communication composed of industrial classes extends from the private space in the home to the debate and conversation in the public space. Through communication, it is easier to form empathy and understanding between people, find the fluctuation of life from concrete feelings and resonance, and form a connection with the world.
Different from the 19th century more than 100 years ago, why do contemporary young people have a strong demand for "partners"?
"Partner" makes the social circle of young people easier.
Shortly before attending the party, Qu Yuan left the film and television industry for two years.
Before resigning, Qu Yuan was already dissatisfied with the confusion of running logic and low salary at work. The film and television industry looks glamorous, and most of the employees are trained. They are art students who graduated from schools such as Chinese Opera, Nortel and Zhongchuan. But in fact, most people are film and television migrant workers who make wedding dresses for "stars" in front of the stage behind the scenes. The salary is low and the work intensity is high. "I feel that I can’t persist. This kind of work can’t give me the life I want."
The "small circle" culture among peers also makes Qu Yuan feel tired. According to Qu Yuan, she is an out-and-out "E" person (meaning extroverted personality in MBTI), so even in the film and television industry with mixed fish and dragons and impetuous environment, she can make good friends. However, due to the "complicated relationship within the industry", making friends with colleagues often requires social burden and maintenance costs. "Many people are nodding acquaintances when they go to work, and everyone really gets acquainted after resigning. “
The mutual prevarication among colleagues in the project cooperation, the interpersonal communication mode dominated by "relationship", and the lack of deep-seated script creation mechanism can be said that the impetuous industry atmosphere and social culture in the circle are the deep reasons for Qu Yuan’s decision to leave. She knows that "many industries are like this", but she is still eager to have opportunities for international communication in the industry and gain an extension in thinking and cognition when interacting with people from different circles.
Contrary to acquaintances’ socialization, strangers’ socialization highlights the rapidity and efficiency of interpersonal communication. Young people can cut off the original social links in similar activities and conduct private social exhibitions. Qu Yuan bluntly said, "I think this lifestyle, which is more suitable for young people, is more accurate and less entangled."
Anthropologist Xiang Biao believes that utilitarianism is an origin of "defamiliarization" social interaction. At this distance, people are safe, and there is no friction without contact. But this utilitarianism does not mean interest or competition, but more importantly, it is an assumption of human nature. In calculation and analysis, it is actually a self-protection mechanism to fossilize oneself into a "utilitarian".
The reason is that it is difficult for many young people to deal with complex emotions in life. Once people expect non-utilitarian and important life emotions, they will be in some uncertainty. "So after self-shielding, simplifying and ossifying the relationship, the world will become simple and controllable for them." Xiang Biao said.
Picking up the neighborhood is also picking up life itself.
Abollo Wang is the organizer and bystander of stranger activities. During the "May Day" holiday, he organized strangers’ reading parties, cocktail parties and escape from the secret room. Reading and cocktail parties are held in his home. From the release of activity information to registration, five or six strange young people can be attracted to participate in a few hours. The secret room set in Sanlitun has the largest number of escapes. "At first, more than 100 people signed up, and then more than 80 people came to the scene."
In Abollo Wang’s view, "distance" is one of the considerations for young people to find a partner. Among the activities organized by Abollo Wang and her partner Xue Yuwen, "Watching movies with strangers nearby" is the most popular. Before the activity begins, Abollo Wang will pair the participants in pairs according to their location. "It’s probably your neighbor or people in the same neighborhood who are watching movies with you, and this feeling is quite wonderful."
On another occasion, a doctor who worked nearby signed up for a movie. That doctor often has no one to talk to because of his busy work and many things. Later, he talked about his experimental scientific research and surgical pressure from the viewing experience. "I talked for two hours and talked endlessly. And he has seen this movie before. "
In addition, if the event is held in Sanlitun, Liangmaqiao and other places close to the embassy district, it will also attract the attention of foreign friends. "A Japanese boy came with a notebook, and we said that he was taking notes to learn Chinese." There is also an American diplomat. "He said that it is difficult for him to find suitable friends locally, so it is interesting to see this.".
In another way, "taking a child" socializes, allowing young people to find the "first 500 meters". Xiang Biao believes that in an atomized society, people should know the world around the neighborhood. In this life scene nearby, let individuals from different backgrounds meet constantly. "Understanding the different viewpoints of different people can make him pay attention to different demands when thinking about public affairs, whether it is transportation, garbage sorting or welfare reform. Nearby will bring people the observation ability they didn’t have before. "
However, it has also been suggested that whether fast and efficient social ways will once again aggravate the pace of life of young people? From strangers to friends and neighbors, and even close relationships, is it becoming more and more difficult to deepen communication?
"I don’t think this kind of socialization is very easy." Qu Yuan lamented at the end of the interview.
(The circle in the text is a pseudonym Li Yue)
